I’ve been really good at communicating my feelings lately.

Except this one. I’m watching where it goes instead of bringing it up because it involves all my fears about people:

1) the insecurity of not being good enough or never being good enough,

2) betrayal from lack of self-control,

3) your suspicions confirmed,

4) and, as a result, never trusting anyone again, not even those you call friends.

What trust I have is on its last leg. I’m trying to be good about it, giving the benefit of a doubt over and over again, but I’m not blind and never have been.

I observe people really carefully, and this is one situation I wish I never paid attention to.

really starting not to appreciate it.

always conflicted when one friend tells you something the other friend should have told you.

and hurt.

because you end up trying to figure out whether you should bring it up first or if you should just wait and wonder if they ever will.

and waiting’s the worst.

(the most pressing question is why does the significance of not being told bother me.

the most pressing matter is neither one told me; i found out by accident.)

i didn’t say it first.

  • when things are simple, i’m content,
  • i need to stress less,
  • things will fall into their respective places eventually,
  • a regular 9-5 is unexpectedly tiring & time management is key in order to make room for socializing,
  • i miss my friends.
~   Charles Bukowski, Tales of Ordinary Madness (via cnnxt)
my vices.
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Canvas  by  andbamnan