i can’t tell if i’ve thrown myself into everything to avoid soaking everything in, or if maybe this is it. maybe it’ll all make sense when i actually take the time to breathe in two weeks.
i make sure to look after people really well who find themselves under my care, but sometimes i just want to drop them on their head.
i stopped paying attention, which is probably where i messed up because i started reacting in a way that felt natural—that’s inherently me. it hurts to feel like you’ll never get over it. and then i have 36 who tells me all the things i need to hear (and already know), but hearing it from him makes me feel like a child because he says them like he knows i know and that he’s disappointed in me. and it all comes off as jokes, yeah, but it’s not really a joking matter.
i blame myself for forgetting.