i am in a constant state of movement.
i don’t mean that in the physical sense, but i’ve always had this sense of urgency and panic and this resistance towards “sitting still,” despite catching myself in those little limbos, but it’s very uncomfortable. i think it’s a mind thing, an awareness of being or what-have-you - or maybe it’s bred from this innate anxiety i have. i will always find something to dislike, or i’ll give myself reasons why so-and-so isn’t satisfactory enough.
“how are you?”
“fine.”
my default answers to questions about my lifestyle is almost always the equivalent of “fine.” it’s not unhappiness; i just never feel quite settled. the same thing happens when people ask me what i want to do with my life. hell if i know. i want to do everything. i am content doing the boring, repetitive jobs; i am content doing busy, exciting jobs. it’s all so in-between, though, and kind of irritating.
i guess i’m a little wayward. and i’m trying to put a leash on that, but if today is of any indication, it’s a good thing i’m like this.
on the other hand, i hate when i’m forced into a position where i have to act sooner than i have to.
this blows.
